My sinful soul
All demons are blind
I’d seen his hand
reaching for her leg. Just
a finger
summoning goosebumps and
thoughts soon to be
purged.
But he was just playing…
just playing.
So,
it came as no surprise — not a little bit —
when the sirens were heard and
the law came cuffs in hand. But…
but I had to fake shock.
Feign awe. How could such a thing have happened without my knowing? Just enough to get them to look at me with empathy and disgust
equally matched.
But it came as no surprise
cause I’d seen his hand
and his smile
and those wretched eyes
reaching for places
that...
WHY DIDN’T I STOP IT?!?!
I knew… I didn’t but,
for a while, I suspected (guess I did). From the beginning? When he asked to take her to the park, when he asked to give her a bath…
It’s just how things are done here, they said
they said
they said
they said
I shouldn’t have listened to them
saying
all they had
to say
and I’ll never let them know that
I thought I saw…
maybe knew…
or disgust will tip the scales and they’ll turn their
judging eyes
toward me.
What about them?
Did they know?
Did they suspect?
They must have.
I… I tried to stop it…
All this is weird, I told them but none of them would listen.
Don’t you worry,
they said
they said
they said.
We’re the same. Them and me. We’re the same.
We all knew — them more than me —
and did nothing but…
Did I smile when he asked to give her
a bath?
But it was her mom that encouraged it…
encouraged the showers, the playtime…
none of it was me. None of it.
But they’ll hang me. Me,
they’ll blame.
Her eyes fell on me yesterday. Falling…
felt like they were falling and I
was supposed to catch them…
catch her
but I couldn’t. I didn’t.
She’s tired
of all the questions, interrogations, doctors, specialists, smiles to draw out answers she’d never give and I’m
turning back the clock to
August 202…
I DON’T KNOW. I DON’T KNOW.
How long had it been going on?
STOP!
SHUT UP!
NO. NO.
I don’t know.
Only she knows.
Only he knows.
I know nothing.
But her eyes…
Did she always look at me like that?! Like…
Like she… she’s been reaching.
She’s so far inside there.
I couldn’t… couldn’t feel her.
Back then, I should have been there…
But I was b
usy.
So busy with work and trying to get things… t
rying to make our lives bett…
I was b
usy.
She’ll… I think if I just get a chance to hold her… to hug her and let her know that I was…
…she’d never let me close. Never let me close enough to let her know that I…
I didn’t know…
I wasn’t sure…
THEY WOULDN’T LISTEN…
But it’s fine now. It’s fine now.
She’s safe and he’s away and the law’s…
But what if… Can they actually prove that he…
It started all the way back in August 202…
NO. NO. NO. I DON’T KNOW…
They’ll have to take her. Keep her somewhere where they can watch her…
test her…
keep her safe from him
and people like me that
can’t do nothing but
smile.
And I’ll get to sleep in my bed,
looking up at the ceiling thinking…
Was it
August 202…???
I DON’T KNOW. I DON’T KNOW.