pusillanimous
the secrets we share
Nakazaki-cho was our home. Of course none of us would dare reveal this to our wives but we knew that every Saturday at 4PM we returned home.
Mark and Anna Shimada ran the cafe. The posters atop murky walls, pleading fluorescent lighting and props suggested a jazz-inspired interior but Anna, with her love for classical, played nothing but the great Russian composers.
Beyond this all we knew was,
“Mark makes the best meat sauce pasta this side of the Atlantic.”
None of us had ever tasted it. All we ever ordered was coffee. Dripped, steamed, pressed.
We were five of us. There had been more but responsibilities, relocations, time and death had taken from the group. During that time, Nakazaki-cho got smaller. Patrons seemed louder, Anna came closer and Mark… Well, he was always in the kitchen conjuring up his mystery pasta.
“Something don’t feel right,” Hosea pronounced on that particular afternoon. “Where’s David, by the way?”
“Nonsense,” said Samuel. “Only thing that don’t feel right is that you’ve somehow managed to tame that tongue of yours.”
Nathaniel came to a sudden halt mid strut. “You know what! That definitely feels off. Everything okay, Hosea?”
With a baffling smirk Hosea retorted, “Samuel, how is it you put on a smile after everything you’ve been through?”
Samuel kicked at a pebble by his foot. It hobbled all the way to the back of Hosea’s foot. “A bottle a day keeps the shrink at bay, I heard.” He tapped against his left breast pocket.
Nathaniel reached for Samuel’s shoulder. “We’re going to have to talk about that” The men walked briskly.
“¥ou’ll be having your usual latte, Nathaniel?” I asked.
“Good man. Get the jitters off our backs. David’s already waiting.”
Right enough, David was there. Seated where he always sat with the same mug set on the same coaster, his face towel placed parallel to the mug as he always did.
Anna played Rimsky-Korsakov. “A new Russian every month of the year,” she told to us once. Only person that gave a damn was Nathaniel.
“What is this?” Hosea burst out in surprise as he pulled out his chair. “Summoned by the courts, were we?”
“What’s with the suit, David?” Samuel asked.
David smiled. He always smiled. “It means nothing,” Samuel said to me when I first joined the group.
The men sat as I walked to the counter where Anna Shimada sat with a tattered issue of J. Crew. From the kitchen I could hear the sizzle of oil in pans and the clattering of dishes.
“The same as always?” she asked. Her finger, nails painted a distant pink, pushed up against her spectacle frames.
“Yes, ma’am. Not ready to break character,” I mumbled. “Thank you.” She got up and started her prep. Her apron, lined with cherry-blossoms, held tightly against her frame. I couldn’t help but indulge.
“And David? He seems a bit… different,” she whispered as her eyes scanned the group.
“It’s the suit, isn’t it? Never seen him in a suit before. He does look… different. Probably summoned by the courts,” we both giggled.
“Alright. I’ll bring you your drinks.”
Everyone knew where to sit but most of all, we knew well not to sit where Nathaniel sat. Under his de facto throne was a painting that he had presented to Mark and Anna years ago.
“That’s one buxom woman,” Hosea noted when he first saw it. “Wouldn’t mind having that head banging my headrest.”
“That’s an attractive suit,” came Nathaniel. “Fortunately, you’ll never find me in one.” It would have been polite for me — or anyone else, really — to inquire as to why. No one did.
“i hit my wife the other night. no. no,” David began. His hand went atop his face towel.
…
The group, aghast, turned to David. Hosea placed a palm on his shoulder as though to stop him from going any further but,
“last night. didn’t see it coming. i… didn’t see it coming. like something took a hold of my arm and just…” he made a gesture. “swung. her hand went over her left cheek.”
…
“Goddamn it, David. A warning first,” Nathaniel said calmly. Samuel shifted his seat closer to the table and gave Nathaniel a momentary glance.
“red. sore. me, praying it don’t go purple. you know what’s funny?” That meaningless smile came over him, “she looked to be biting into her inner right cheek. kinda like the sting reverberated all the way to the other side.”
…
Anna came over with our drinks. Immediately, Nathaniel broke out in laughter.
“Anna!” he said. “Wonderful to see you this week. Look at you! What a sight! If Mark doesn’t act right I just might take you for myself.”
The rest of us remained silent. Samuel, too, flashed a smile at Anna. Their eyes never met.
She passed drinks around and said, “just might take you up on that. Mark wouldn’t even have to know.” A cheeky smile came over her. “You look good today, David. Were you summoned by the courts?”
Samuel’s hand reached into his breast pocket pulling out a flask the contents of which were poured into his mug. Anna glanced over at him momentarily. He hurriedly looked away.
Again Nathaniel laughed. “Summoned by the courts…! You, you always were the funny one here, Anna. Any new treats for my cheat meal?” I could see two of his fingers gently tag at her apron.
Hosea disapprovingly nodded his head.
“I can’t have my future hubby putting on pounds before our big day,” she chuckled with her hand resting upon his shoulder. “Anyway, you boys enjoy yourselves.”
As soon as she walked away, Hosea said, “we’ve got ourselves a regular suited wife beater. Taking as back to the good old days, are you? And how the hell did your mistress steal my line?”
“This is… This is serious. Why’d you hit her? What… What were you thinking?” said Samuel.
“He wasn’t. Thinking is what got you nothing but a bottle after your divorce, Samuel. Let the man alone. Let him speak before you go and give him your sound advice,” Hosea gave no bouts about his quips.
Samuel clenched his fist and said, “here we go. No taming that ferocity, is there?” He turned to David. “Why would you do that? What if she…”
David moved his face towel away from his mug.
“i knew it was wrong but… but when she tried to get up and leave,” his hands held against the edge of the table tightly. “i held her down. held her down and told her that she’s a damn whore who got what was coming to her and don’t she remember shoving me first? don’t she remember clenching her fist and thrusting? don’t she remember all the times I was… i’ve been good. and it didn’t mean nothing? don’t she remember that i never done nothing like that to her before?”
“Don’t be too loud,” Samuel’s hand went over his face.
Nathaniel leaned forward about to say something. David got there first.
“don’t blame her though. don’t think i’d have the space for much remembering after having a paw come at my face like that. but-but no way she was leaving that room. not yet. not yet. if she got a chance then-then she’d go right to the phone and dial the cops then-then what’d i do?” His hand went over his eyes. Hiding. Maybe crying.
…
“cops won’t listen to no man gripe about his wife being a whore. cops won’t care that i slave away to raise kids that ain’t even… no.” We could hear him whimper and plead to himself.
Hosea turned his seat and his entire frame to face David. “Now, hold on a damn minute. What do you mean they ain’t even? Ain’t even what?!”
David didn’t even take a second to acknowledge what was asked.
“the cops won’t care. they won’t care. so, i held her down and she fought and kicked and squirmed but… she wasn’t going nowhere.”
“David,” Nathaniel stretched his hand across the table. “People can hear you.” He turned around. Anna was still face down going through her old catalog.
“Don’t matter much, does it? They’re not going to call the cops if his wife already hasn’t,” Hosea noted.
“all she could do was lie down and wait,” he went on ignoring all that we had said. “lie down and wait till i was done rambling. it’s your fault, i told her. her fault. she don’t love me. never has. every sacrifice for her. a two-timing whore and… she said nothing the whole time. her eyes, glazed over, just stared at the ceiling fan. she didn’t say a damn thing and i knew… there’s no coming back from that. there’s no coming back from that.”
…
I stood up, took out my wallet and dropped a note on the table.
“What’s all this, then?” Hosea griped.
“I can’t have heard this,” I stuttered. “If…if I hear this, then…”
“What?! You’re going to have to call the authorities, are you? Get on with it then. David, you go on. Let it all out. There’s a reason we…” before Hosea could proceed Nathaniel said,
“can’t force him to be a part of this, can we? Things like these are precisely why we’re here but where’s the warning, David? I understand his position.”
“His wife won’t tell no one nothing. Unless she already… David, why are you wearing the suit?” Hosea asked.
David looked down at himself as though unsure of what he was wearing.
“i…i just bought the suit last week cause i heard… someone said you should dress as the man you want to be…”
“YOU’RE A BATTERER, DAVID!” Samuel burst out.
All the patrons in the cafe must have heard what was said. Anna lifted her head and looked in our direction. Her eyes remained.
“Cool yourself, Samuel!” Nathaniel’s composed tone came. His palm wrapped around Samuel’s thigh. Squeezing. “All of this is hearsay.”
“From the bloody horse’s mouth, it is,” Samuel grumbled. “Get your hands off me! This is madness!” Nathaniel took his hands off.
“Listen,” Nathaniel calmed himself further. “We’re glad you came to us with this. We’ve only got each other. And you,” he pointed at me. Finger as stern as his eye. “Our struggles are shared here. Nowhere else. Give David some courtesy. We will not have snakes in this garden.”
I sat back down. Nathaniel pushed the coffee closer to me and whispered, “thank you.”
Samuel glanced over at Anna. “Shit! I’m sorry. Got a bit excited there. Fuck!”
“Don’t worry about her,” Nathaniel said before standing up and walking over to the counter. He and Anna spoke briefly before the two turned towards us and shared a surreptitious laugh. I could see Nathaniel’s palm over Anna’s. Her eyes rested on him.
Nathaniel returned. “She’s a good girl. She likes us, too. That painting is doing a lot of heavy lifting.”
“A good girl?! Heck, Nathaniel, the woman is married,” Hosea gestured to Anna with his chin.
“Won’t Mar…” I was unable to finish my sentence.
Samuel, a bit embarrassed, took a huge gulp of his Americano. He coughed as the hot drink went down his gullet. “Jesus Christ almost burned a hole through me. This is… David, what are you going to do? Where is she now? What…”
“with the kids and her mom. don’t know… don’t think she’ll tell her but i sent her a message. asked her to talk to me… haven’t heard back from her. do you think i should… should i call her, nathaniel?” he took out his phone. “just check if we’re alri… if she’s alright.”
Hosea snatched the phone out of his palm and flung it at Nathaniel. “You’re not going to be doing none of that. Not now. Give the lady some room for heaven’s sake. You just smacked the Holy Spirit out of her.”
“Hosea is right. Give her some time. You’ll see her later. You’ve got kids, David. You’re wife isn’t stupid enough to take two kids and run. I know her. She’s got a good head on her shoulders,” Nathaniel preached.
“Obviously not good enough if she married a man that was going to hit her…” he turned to Samuel. “But who knows? Maybe that’s what a happy marriage needs. One good smack a year to remind the first mate that the captain’s still in charge.”
Samuel, with a little more composure, said, “you think… You think that’s what a marriage needs?!”
Hosea was about to speak when Nathaniel cut in.
“Samuel, the man’s a bastard. Don’t let him get to you. This is unexpected but let’s keep things focused on David. Can we do that, guys?”
With my voice quivering I said, “y-yes.”
Nathaniel gave me a good pat on the shoulder.
“Samuel, we were going to have a little chat about your flask but that’ll have to take a beat. Is that okay?”
Samuel nonchalantly took out his flask and had a swig. “Only person that has a problem with this is you.”
Nathaniel ignored the comment and said, “David, who else knows this?”
“this is home, right? i only speak when i’m at home.”